Phil Wickham Says He Still Battles the Feeling He Must ‘Prove’ He’s Worthy of God’s Love

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Phil Wickham is one of the most popular, most talented Christian musicians working today. The prolific hitmaker recently opened up about his time in the music industry, even admitting that he often finds himself trying to earn God's life-changing, life-saving grace, a gift that is freely offered to and available to everyone.

However, Wickham, 42, acknowledged that he noticed he was trying to win and earn the Lord's grace, love and approval not while writing another hit song but instead while he was writing a book, his first one - "Everyday Hallelujah."

“Why do I feel hesitant to pray big prayers sometimes?” he told Relevant. “Why do I feel like I need to get my God credit up before I bring something to God?”

“I still can get caught up in a merit-based relationship with God. I can still get caught up that I need to check a bunch of boxes of doing for God before he’s happy with me, before he really wants my worship, before he really will hear my prayers,” he said. “I can get caught up in wanting to prove to myself and to God and to others that I’m worthy of love and value.”

Wickham then recalled how that works-based mentality stems from growing up.

“Maybe I grew up thinking that because of some things people said to me in the church when I grew up,” Wickham said. “Like, I had to read three chapters a day or else — you know, we’ll see if you’re gonna go to heaven.”

The singer also shared that he continues to learn to see God’s graciousness and presence in one’s life.

“He doesn’t have a chalkboard up there where he’s like, okay, that’s good. He’s not Santa Claus making a list,” he said. “God delights in our presence and our attention.”

“He knew we could never be good enough. And we could never make it to him. So he made it to us,” he added.

In the last five years, Wickham has studied Scripture more in depth, and the passage about the temple veil tearing at the crucifixion is one he comes back to repeatedly. He reads the story as an eviction notice served on the whole idea of qualifying.

“Everybody’s welcome into my presence now. Everybody’s welcome to the holy place,” he said. “You do not have to grovel on your hands and knees to come to this place.”

"Everyday Hallelujah," which came out earlier this month, focuses on worship as everyday life, beyond music. He also says how he refuses to file his life into two drawers.

“This is my Sunday morning stuff. This is my time with the church on tours. This is my prayer before bed with my kids,” he said. “And over here is, okay, now it’s try to exercise a couple times a week, pay the bills, do all the administrative stuff, get back to emails.”

“It’s the hallelujah doing the dishes. It’s the hallelujah opening the door for someone. It’s the hallelujah taking the extra mile when someone said, I didn’t ask you to, but you know it’s gonna bless them. It’s the hallelujah when you’re patient with your kids.”

Even so, Wickham recognizes that it would simply be another list he would fail in doing, finding himself coming up short. 

“If we’re just gonna white knuckle it, if we’re just gonna grit our teeth and say, 'I’m gonna be a worship leader every day, I’m gonna do it' — we’re gonna fail by tonight.”

Wickham, in a clip posted online by TBNUK, says that we will always come up short, admitting that as human beings, we are limited. However, the Lord is all-powerful and capable of standing in and fighting battles that we could never win.

"There's a battle that we could have never have fought against our own sin and death," he said. "And then He pointed to the cross, and he pointed to our sin - the debt we could never pay, and He tells us each person, like, 'Today, I'm going to fight your battle. Be still and watch how good I'm going to be God.'"

Although he was asked how he came to learn these truths, he responded that it was presented to him differently. He added that this is something he is constantly learning. 

“I think I always have to re-relearn that lesson,” Wickham said. “I think it’s taken a lifetime, and it will continue to.”

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Terry Wyatt/Stringer

Milton Quintanilla is a freelance writer and content creator. He is a contributing writer for CrosswalkHeadlines and the host of the For Your Soul Podcast, a podcast devoted to sound doctrine and biblical truth. He holds a Masters of Divinity from Alliance Theological Seminary.