5 Ways to Know You're Not Settling for Marriage with the Wrong Person

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1. You’re not settling if you share the same faith.

When it comes to who to marry, the most important verse in the Bible on the topic is found in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

If you’re marrying someone who has received Christ as their Savior, then they are not the wrong person because, in marrying them, you are in obedience with God. This alignment is of the utmost importance in who you marry, more than any other box to check off.

Marrying someone who shares your faith means you both believe and accept what the Bible says about marriage, meaning one man and one woman, which helps to guard your hearts from immorality and perversions by following God’s Word and standards for marriage. It matters to God who you marry, because by marrying someone who believes in Him, you are obeying His Word and trusting His will for your life, as Jesus warned in Mark 3:25, “If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.”

Deuteronomy 7:3-6 explains more of God’s thoughts on being unequally yoked in marriage: “Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, because they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods. Then the anger of the Lord will burn against you, and He will swiftly destroy you.”

The Apostle Paul agrees with and urges in 1 Corinthians 1:10, “I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.”

If you’re marrying another believer in Jesus Christ, then you’re not settling.

2. You’re not settling if you are trusting God’s leadership.

When it comes to marriage, God’s plan is much more practical and beneficial to us than the hyped-up romantic, self-indulgent marriages taking place in our culture today.

God hasn’t called us to be someone’s end-all and to complete us, because that’s what He wants to be and do in our lives.

Through giving us someone to share this life with and create a family, God works through each of us to make us more like Him. Our marriage partner is not meant to replace our relationship with God in our lives, but to help transform us more into His likeness.

Paul wrote, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” (Ephesians 5:25-27)

Marriage on earth is a picture of what’s to come—the Church, Christ’s Bride, presented to and united as one with Jesus. And even though earthly marriages are imperfect, our heavenly marriage will be perfect.

Ephesians 5:31-32 explains further, “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

When we are united with Christ, our imperfections will be made perfect in Him, as Hebrews 10:14 describes, “For by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.”

Although the marriage of the Church to Jesus may be difficult to understand for some, it’s why earthly marriages are only temporal on earth and don’t continue in heaven, as some may believe. Matthew 22:30 explains that, at the resurrection, people will be like angels, not married to each other.

If you’re marrying to fulfill God’s purpose in marriage, then you’re not settling.

3. You’re not settling if your family and friends are supportive.

Many of us may have known a person who was engaged to marry someone whom friends and family believed was not a good match for a number of reasons.

Most close friends and family want to see us marry someone who is a good match for us. They sometimes know us better than we know ourselves and can see where the person we’re serious about as a future spouse may not be God’s will for us.

Rather than ignoring their counsel, it’s wise for us to prayerfully consider and seek God's guidance when they have concerns. A good indicator that we’re not settling for marriage with the wrong person is when our friends and family are supportive and give their blessings to our union. Sometimes others, like acquaintances, co-workers, and casual friends, may see issues but don’t want to get involved and will refrain from speaking to us about what they’re seeing. However, close friends and family, those who know us best and love us the most, will often go out on a limb to voice their concerns.

It’s wise for us to listen, because God will often give our families and friends insight that is helpful to us. In Genesis 24:2-4, we read how Abraham was very concerned about who his son would marry, giving very specific directions to his servant: “He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, 'Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.’”

If you have the support of family and friends, then you’re not settling.

4. You’re not settling if you are committed to being a helpmate to your spouse.

Eve was not fashioned by God to take His place in Adam’s life, but to be a helpmate, as Genesis 2:18 explains, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Along with being a helpmate, God also designed Eve to be a delight and pleasure to Adam, as recorded in the joy he expressed at first meeting Eve, “The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man” (Genesis 2:23).

Sadly, culture has been at work to distort marriage into ungodly forms, leading people away from God rather than towards Him, trying to thwart His purpose and plan for this holy union. Groups and individuals have tried to lessen the sacredness of marriage, making it about a selfish pursuit to find the perfect-looking mate, looking to satisfy lustful and selfish physical desires. Others have made it a financial partnership, set on becoming a power couple to gain worldwide influence. Tragically, some believers have jumped on the bandwagon following these worldly, distorted unions.

If you’re marrying to be a helpmate, or to have a helpmate, then you’re not settling.

5. You’re not settling if you are staying true to your personal convictions in marrying.

If you believe you’re crossing a line of personal conviction in who you’re marrying, it may cause you distress and ongoing problems in your marriage.

Some people have it in their hearts to marry someone who hasn’t been married before, but, under the pressure of growing older (or for other reasons), may start compromising and going against their own conscience. Going against personal conviction in marriage often leads to heartache, overriding one’s beliefs, and beginning marriage with serious reservations and doubts. With these hesitations comes the risk of being unable to reconcile living with your decision.

Although you know family and friends who have veered from their personal convictions concerning a marriage partner, it doesn’t mean you’ll be able to accept abandoning your own conviction in the situation. As James 4:17 warns, “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”

It’s also not loving to marry a person knowing you may have serious doubts or issues with something about them, such as their past, that they are unable to change. 

It’s wise to remember what Paul urges in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Be careful not to let others talk you into or out of something you’ve long held as a belief, keeping in mind what Proverbs 22:3 warns, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” If you stay true to your heartfelt convictions for marriage, then you’re not settling.

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